It is really that simple. God looks for a change in our hearts. Simple. Simple? I'm not so sure that is the best word to use. It should be simple: change my heart, change my life, grow closer to God. That is all I want. That is all he wants. So why is it so difficult?
I survey my life this year, this season. I am blessed with the best of friends, the kind of friends who share in laughter and in prayer. I am surrounded by a family who loves me unconditionally: sisters with overflowing talent, a mom with unyielding patience and strength, brothers with a sense of humor to lighten the darkest of situations, and a dad who is slowly revealing his confidence in me. I am challenged with what I can handle. I am given psalms to sing. I am always in good company, and am fortunate enough to have the best mentors. While I have fears and anxieties about the things I cannot change, I am blessed with the drive to confront the things I can change.
Without a doubt, as undeserving as I am, God has given me everything and has asked for very little in return. I know what he wants... my heart. But there's just something inside me. I don't really know what it is. There's something inside me that hesitates to give my heart, to give myself completely over to him. Here's where the complication lies. I want so desperately to be completely submersed in his grace. I really do. I try to imagine how amazing that life might look, how different that lifestyle might be. I get excited to think that this might be my life... if I could just give my whole heart to God.
So this season, I aim to change my heart, to give my heart, to change my life. Big plans for a not-so big girl. I'm ready for this challenge; I can't wait for this change.
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