Running Therapy.

Running softly, over black and white keys
spill my rhythm, my beat,
pouring out of the me on my sleeve
spattering like ink on the ivory,
like oil on ebony,
swiftly, deftly.
I'm attached to the keys
the vapor from my fingers printing my melody,
I can hear it if I close my eyes, if I silence my sight
my mind surrenders to my body: raw, physical emotion.
And an escape. my thoughts, my fears
escape my fingers... my lips pursued but not a sound
like electric my fingers command the keys
spilling their poison, their hate, their frustration
for things I cannot control
and when it stops, I know I've made
beautiful music.

Listen

Listen to the drops, heavier than the dew
longer than a drip from
the faucet I left on at half past seven
and softer than the tears I shed
in sadness... then rejoicing
Listen to their patterns, each a
different pitch, a different touch.
Some too eager, but never too much.
Listen to the rain paining the glass
striping in time of a water's march
Listen to it hum, to it fall, to it sing
Listen to it expand as it lands
offering life to the pavement the near garden
spilling like my thoughts, like my words on this page
Listen, and imagine
a flood.

I hear jazz,
the jazz of the tide
the jazz of your eyes
the jazz of your heart
keeping time with mine
and it's blue.

I see jazz,
the jazz of the sky
at midnight and midday
the jazz of the passion behind your blue eyes
and it's blue.

I feel jazz,
the jazz of your touch
as our fingers dance across skin
the jazz of your lips
everytime you move in
and it's blue.

And it's blue.

The blue that I feel, and I see, and I hear
The blue that dissolves my irresolute tear
The blue that keeps crashing in and rolling away.
The blue that paints your eyes when you say...
You're beautiful... in blue.
And I can't get back to why I can't feel or see or say
The jazz that is you, in blue.
When I'm without you.
you're the jazz.
You're the blue.

painting.

What if I painted a picture of you
in blue
Strokes moody with each lift.
Deep, vivid, lively you
in blue.
And your eyes melt into the foreground
Melted around the thickness, the richness of the stare
of the blue bleeding, dripping onto the canvas.
What if I did?
If I were a painter, and your heart my portrait, blank
until I could fill it with blue
and lather it in thick layers
of rich creamy, forgiving paste
gluing my stare to yours,
my love to yours,
my peace to yours,
in blue.
What if I did?

under the deepness of blue, there is brown
an aged color, it marks life
blue that is energy and youth and day
meets time that is smart and lively and night
and blue fades to brown, if we're lucky
a deep brown, a book holding the secrets, all of them
in a timely and beautiful pattern
behind accomplished and experienced lids
brown knows so much
both of day and of night
of time and of worth
under blue skies, blue waters, blue earth
there is the brown that knows, that smiles
and laughs because it can pace without worry
it can feel knowing much pain
it can live and it can die
and it can learn
but it knows
that blue enriched is brown
because it once was blue

An old row

On a coastline, across the Atlantic
dreams are sweeping, rushing over waves
I can see it, in the horizon
A thousand wings and reams of cream and white.

I have found you, across the Atlantic
though I cannot glimpse your face or see your eyes
I can hear you, whisper softly
And your melody carried in tide rolls up to me.

Take my linger, Take my words.
Take my voice, my song is only for the birds.
Take my sitting, Take my stance.
Take my vision, but leave my freedom
Take my romance.

On a coastline, across the Atlantic
life is swaying, I make strides in my faith
the air is new here, the sky is blue here
and I know you dear are here with me.

so that's all he wants....

It is really that simple. God looks for a change in our hearts. Simple. Simple? I'm not so sure that is the best word to use. It should be simple: change my heart, change my life, grow closer to God. That is all I want. That is all he wants. So why is it so difficult?

I survey my life this year, this season. I am blessed with the best of friends, the kind of friends who share in laughter and in prayer. I am surrounded by a family who loves me unconditionally: sisters with overflowing talent, a mom with unyielding patience and strength, brothers with a sense of humor to lighten the darkest of situations, and a dad who is slowly revealing his confidence in me. I am challenged with what I can handle. I am given psalms to sing. I am always in good company, and am fortunate enough to have the best mentors. While I have fears and anxieties about the things I cannot change, I am blessed with the drive to confront the things I can change.

Without a doubt, as undeserving as I am, God has given me everything and has asked for very little in return. I know what he wants... my heart. But there's just something inside me. I don't really know what it is. There's something inside me that hesitates to give my heart, to give myself completely over to him. Here's where the complication lies. I want so desperately to be completely submersed in his grace. I really do. I try to imagine how amazing that life might look, how different that lifestyle might be. I get excited to think that this might be my life... if I could just give my whole heart to God.

So this season, I aim to change my heart, to give my heart, to change my life. Big plans for a not-so big girl. I'm ready for this challenge; I can't wait for this change.

How to Be a Woman...

First and foremost, you should be beautiful... because you are beautiful. You are womanly, you are brave, and you are beautiful. You should know you are beautiful because you were made that way. You are confident. You are courageous. You are poised until you are angry, and you are beautiful.

You must respect that you are here for service. Whether that is for your own happiness, for others, or for both, you are here to employ your talents that make you happy. You were given so many talents, many that you might belittle. Don't. You are extremely brilliant and gifted, and the world cannot wait for these talents to surface. Don't apologize for your strengths. They are yours to give, to offer, and this is no fault of yours.

You are capable of love and are clever about it. You may fool some, but not others. You may be swooned or do some swooning, but either way you become flattered in the pursuit f love. Something that's always in pursuit: love. Someone will always love you, and you will always love someone or some idea. You are beautiful. You are a woman.

You are captivating. You may try to conceal your beauty as if it's a bad thing. Why? You seek recognition for your soul's beauty, and perhaps when someone is lost looking for it, you fear they may never find it. You hide. But please don't. Don't hide it from the world. It needs a woman's beauty. You are a woman. Your beauty defines you. Embrace this. You are and always will be beautiful. You can change so much with that beauty.

You are a woman; you don't act like one. It's a state of being, of feeling. You are beautiful. You are captivating. You are a woman.

Winter to spring

The soft white brush of snow against fir
His branches stretching, unyielding, pointing to the sky and ground
His coat a painted powder
Shaking off his limbs as he awakes
From a deep sleep, from the deepest of dreams
in the company of the frosted night sky
glimmering a shade of deep blue
And reflected so perfectly in the pristine gaze of the chilled waters
So cool and so calm capturing the stillness of the night
not a hush nor a flake could disturb this peace.
And he's welcomed by his friend
a hospitable warmth inviting him to relax
melt his coat and sit for a day by the lake.
the sun calls him by name, and he is awake
a new season begins

Open...

Open my eyes to a shaded hue
to a memory of you before me
Open my eyes as the day first begins
and the warmth felt within,
my desire to love you
my yearning to feel you
close to me.

Open my mouth to fresh autumn air
to the breath that your stare couldn't hold
Open my mouth to speak your melody
And the depths of my dreams
I find stamped in your speech
and wrapped in your tongue
tied for me.

Open my arms to your comforting rest
your unyielding strength, my shield
Open my arms to feel your embrace
your heat upon my skin
the rushing of your veins
spirit seeping through your pores

And that open honesty
that pure and rarest form for me
for you to open up my dreams
and wake me each morning
I'll share with you my secrets....

Mom's Song

When stars are floating in the midnight sky
Spilled out like crystals on a marbled floor
Free to shine, free to twinkle, Catching dreams
Keep me dreaming about tomorrow

When rays stretch out as painted layers
Their canvas stretching over our hearts
And flames that dance across the wind
They carry paint and fire within.

Can you feel it? Can you see it?
Ribbons of grace, tracing the pace of our lives.
Can you feel it? Can you reach it?
The something behind your peace of mind
to change my tomorrows

Can you feel it? Can you see it?
Crimson and Gold, reflecting the hope a new day.
Can you feel it? Can you reach it?
The touch so refined, your peace of mind.
to change my tomorrows.

Can you feel it? Can you see it?
Fears left behind, spirits alive, a new strength.
Can you feel it? Can you reach it?
Passions unwind, your peace of mind.
to change my tomorrows

When waves are crashing cross the tide
Water falling free from my eyes
Tears that grace the earth so pure
Grows a Season of Change.

In Blue

I hear jazz.
the jazz of the tide
the jazz of your eyes
the jazz of your heart
keeping time with mine
and it's blue.

I see jazz.
the jazz of the sky
at midnight and midday
the jazz of the passion behind your blue eyes
and it's blue.

I feel jazz.
the jazz of your touch
as our fingers dance against skin
the jazz of your lips
every time you move in
and it's blue.

And it's blue.
The blue that I feel and I see and I hear
The blue that dissolves my irresolute tear
The blue that keeps crashing in and rolling away
The blue that paints your eyes when you say
You're beautiful....
in blue
and I can't get back to why I can't feel or see or cry
the jazz
that is you
the jazz
in blue
when I'm without you.
you're the jazz.
you're blue.